Surprisingly, Klang town has institutionalized the Indian import called “Cendol”, consisting of wiggly green noodly like stuff in white coconut milk, topped with shaved ice and brown sugar (gula melaka). The perfect complement for “rojak”, a concoction of raw vegetables, eggs and cooked taufu and sometimes crackers, all nicely dipped in a sweet coconut sauce, much like satay sauce, but different.  Again, I chance upon this shop which I understand originally started as a stall back in 1972, a fact which it proudly displays in all its signboards.

The cendol was good. Nothing missing there but the rojak was quite ordinary with nothing special. The crowd was a motley group of Indian, Malay and Chinese. Most ordered the cendol biasa - ordinary chendol with red beans and ate the dessert with take-away food from other shops. No one in the shop bothered with this.

The workers are mostly Indians with a Malay working as a waiter. Ambience is nothing great.

Apart from bak kut teh and steamed bread and kampung eggs, and of course sea food, Klang is surely a bit of a food paradise, although you need to know your way around. Otherwise, like me, count on your lucky stars to keep bumping into places with good food.

The cendol shop is on Nenas Road which is near the congested roundabout in Klang. For hot afternoons, it’s a good stop. It’s cheap too at RM1.20 per bowl.

Technorati Tags: Cendol, Klang, rojak

Wednesday, 24 February 2010 07:26

A SATIRE IN Bolehland, furious preparations are being made to market Malaysia as the most Incredible Nation in the world.

“Incredible Malaysia” is the new tagline from Tourism Malaysia. For once, the powers that be at the ministry have got it right. We beat many countries for sheer audacity of our politicians, the scandalous nature of our justice and our melodramatic religious disagreements. The tourists have tired of our multicultural food, places of worship, beaches, cool highlands, and even our renowned Genting casino.

Once upon a time, our Petronas Twin Tower was the tallest building in the world. Now, sadly no longer, outshone by one country after another bent on putting us down, literally. Our “astronaut-eating-roti-canai-in-space” stunt no longer hogs the headlines.

Beyonce (right) failed to reach our shores but instead had gone on “cavorting sexily” in China and thereafter to several Grammy awards. Another win for Muslim extremists who protested her show in Malaysia.

Although international arrivals have breached the 22 million mark in 2009 and is expected to rise by five per cent for year 2010, there is still a pressing need to introduce new attractions for fear that our neighbours might come up with even newer and better ones. Case in point – Singapore’s newly-opened Genting casino. Not surprisingly, the powers that be at the Tourism Ministry had earlier deemed it a matter of national interest to employ no one less than former Ferrari Formula One team boss Jean Todt aka Mr Datuk Michelle Yeoh to promote Malaysia in Europe.

While “Amazing Thailand” captivated and fascinated us, “Incredible Malaysia” seeks to astonish and astound us with our stupendous achievements (Note: “Stupendous” is defined as astonishingly great or amazing in size or greatness, nothing to do with the intellect at all).

The list of our achievements is nothing short of wow-inspiring.

* We are at press time the only country in the world with a former prime minister that has successfully started a post-retirement career as a celebrity blogger

* We are the only country in the world which has successfully transfixed an entire nation’s attention on a man’s ass and the penetrating instrument (whether real or manufactured) and hence educated an entire generation on sex, notwithstanding that the focus is mainly on backside sex (this explains why we have done away with Sex Education in Schools. Students invariably fall asleep due to boredom during such trial classes)

* Our higher court judges, namely Federal and Court of Appeal judges, are the first to toe the line in adhering to 1 Malaysia, a unity concept mooted to unite Malaysians on all fronts. The patriotic judges have without fail come up with unanimous decisions on cases that have political implications. By speaking with one united voice and not allowing dissenting judgments, they have effectively forestalled any backdoor power grab by power-hungry Opposition politicians. Such display of judicious discretion is rare and is a testament of their loyalty without question to the Second, Third and Fourth Precepts of the Rukun Negara – Loyalty to King and Country, Upholding the Constitution and the Rule of Law. Under such circumstances, independence of the judiciary does not arise. It is irrelevant.

* Sons and siblings of former and present politicians not surprisingly are blessed with incredible business acumen, achieving billionaire status while still in their 20s, 30s, and 40s.

* Our billion-ringgit European-made submarine can’t dive/submerge/sink. However, unidentified sources blame it on the high salt content in our sea waters. Alternatively, they explained that the so-called submarine is in fact an aircraft carrier built to look like a submarine. “It was a typographical error. We apologise for the mix-up and regret the error. The clerk who committed this error has tendered his resignation.” At press time, it still could not be established why we need a submarine, much less, two, in the first place.

* It is not unknown that in military circles, ghost stories abound. Malaysia is no exception. Recently, according to sources which declined to reveal themselves, several old F-5E fighter engines have suddenly grown wings and flew off to Uruguay sans pilot. Apparently, these fighter engines are distant cousins of the Uruguayan Air Force fighter engine, a twin turboprop Fairchild FH-227. You know, the one that crashed in the Andes on Friday the 13th of October 1972. To survive, survivors ate other survivors who had succumbed to the cold and were frozen at the time of the food preparation.

* Ghosts also apparently haunt certain law enforcement agencies. One Opposition political aide by the name of Teoh Beng Hock for unknown reasons fell to his death while at the premises of the MACC (Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission). Both sides are still quibbling over the cause of the fall and death. Similarly, a Mongolian model who allegedly never entered Malaysia somehow was found bombed to smithereens in a forest. Although the direct perpetrators were convicted, questions still arise as to the suspicious circumstances of her death. It is believed that the local press was forbidden to mention her name in case her spirit might return. Till today, no one is sure who the real culprit is and why she was exploded. Other custodial deaths, save for alleged car thief Kugan, enjoyed a quieter exit.

* Meanwhile, another celebrity blogger, better known as fugitive blogger RPK, had somehow vanished into thin air, with occasional sightings around the world. Word has it that aliens in an UFO had kidnapped him for research purposes. They had somehow identified him as being the sixth most intelligent Malaysian on earth and had wanted to study his brains. He has thus been allowed to live in luxurious surroundings and continue with his writings. His response to his son’s imprisonment and alleged attempted suicide in jail is also being monitored. Government authorities meanwhile have stepped up their efforts to regain this “brain drain”.

* Efforts are also seriously being made to investigate how billions of ringgit could have left the country undetected. According to unmentionable sources, government authorities are working on several theories, chief among them is the suggestion that “hidden hands” are at work using teleporters to transport the vast sum of money to safe havens overseas. Investigators are leaving no stone unturned and are investigating the whos and whys. In the midst of investigations, a secret document is leaked which hints at an impending government takeover following several politician crossovers. This leads investigators to believe that the teleported cash is used to fund the crossovers. At press time, it still could not be established whether the government referred to is the Federal Government or a state government.

Believe it or not, these events are what will save Malaysia in the coming years from lack of interest from foreign tourists. “Incredible Malaysia” will whet their appetite for unbelievable news of mysterious goings-on in Malaysia. The new tourist itinerary is expected to include the Kuala Lumpur Courts Complex, the forest in Shah Alam where remains of the Mongolian was found, Perak state, MACC building in Shah Alam, our prisons and the Sungei Besi airbase.

Even as I write, the finishing touches to our new tourism tagline – Escada’s “Incredible Me” fragrance wafting straight to your nose sung to the tune of Nat King Cole’s “Unforgetable” (the five-syllable “Unforgetable” is replaced by “Me-In-cre-di-ble”) are being finalized. Still on the same topic, rumour has it that there is talk of a collaboration between the ministry and TV 3 to produce a TV series on the mysterious goings-on in Malaysia. The series is tentatively entitled “Kisah Benar tapi Susah Percaya di Malaysia” (”Malaysian True but Incredible Stories”).

All on your (tax-payers) account, of course.

Comments (2)

Show/hide comments

Technorati Tags: anwar, Beyonce, Incredible Malaysia, jet engine, Mahathir, Michelle Yeoh, Najib, RPK, Satire, sodomy, submarine, Teoh, Uruguay

First, he asked for my date of birth and then checked his almanac. He informed that I was born on a Monday. Oh, and I thought I was born on Good Friday?

Then he checked both my palms. And then he goes “You had a lot of money your way previously, but you “played” them away. Don’t gamble. But don’t worry. The money will come back to you again. You are earning now but have difficulty saving. Don’t worry though. You will get more later. You are the type who can study at a high level and so, you will reach high position. You have been “married” before.”

Oops. That last one wasn’t correct. Then again, I had a 7-year relationship once, so that probably counted as “marriage” in the eyes of everyone!

Next came my rather mundane and idiotic question: “Will the money that comes to me be a lot or not much?”

“Enough for you la,” he shot back. Not satisfied, I persisted and enquired: ” Would that be big money that can buy house or small money enough just to rent house?”

His cryptic answer: ” Big enough for you,” so I left it at that. I guess  a one-man tent can be considered big enough for me.

Next, is the very important question: “Will I marry again?”  “Yes, of course. Don’t worry. You look young and not a problem. ”

Finally, the life and death question: “How long will I live?”

“You have a long life. Don’t worry. Let me check.” He whipped out his almanac again and cross-checked and then confidently pointed to a number : 83. Wow, I was really disappointed with that. 83 is far too long on this earth. I was hoping for 63 which I think is a nice age to expire into another world to do my travelling all over again in another realm.

But as FATE would have it, I am destined to stay longer in this world called EARTH. Even the Chinese fortune teller from Shanghai whom  I saw earlier at Berjaya Times Square told me that I have a very long life.

For some good old-fashioned reassurances, Sivam, the street psychotherapist, is good value for money. As to whether I believe him, why not? It’s good to be optimistic while the world swirls around in unpredictability and uncertainty.

Technorati Tags: Berjaya Times Square, fortune teller, gamble, Klang, long life, rich, Shanghai

Important question: Would I get “beach fatigue”, a condition afflicting a small number of  people who haven’t yet figured out how much of the beach and water they could stomach without having their stomachs churn? I have to admit, I did experience it. Still,  it’s my dream to retire somewhere near the beach. Still thinking of which one below. Ah, I dream on. Here are the dreams that might become reality.

Technorati Tags: beach, beach fatigue, beaches, meditation with nature, retire to the beach, smell of saltwater

Akasha, an all-girl band from Canada grooving and pumping up the heat at Zeta bar, KL Hilton. Zeta is widely regarded as the top bar in KL, where well-heeled locals and foreigners hang out. I had fun on the 2 or 3 occasions that I was there. I especially like their rendition of some of the popular old songs, in particular songs like YMCA (think it was by Village People) which practically caused the whole floor to burst into an energetic jumping and hands-up routine. That was fun.

The left pix above is not a giant Christmas cake with figurines in colourful costumes. These are live dancers performing some Christmas story on top of a set made to look like the cake. The shopping malls become alive during festival periods. Not to be outdone, Chinese New Year sees some serious drumming by some semi-naked drummers from the local acting/music school. Multiracial and multi-religious Malaysians are so exposed to different cultures that having these indigenous-looking fellows doing the drums during CNY is no big deal. After all, tolerance is something all Malaysians strive for.  

Seriously, we are so tolerant that we have come to accept the that a bunch of girls dancing around the pole in  a club is as common as mum eschewing the outdoor wet market nowadays for the huge hypermarkets.

We are also thrilled when men, or rather boys, display their pole-dancing skills. A recent club party had the crowds going into hysteria when men were asked to belly dance topless in a glass cage in the middle of the bar.

And then, we also have the strange spectre of a former PM becoming an overnight blogger celebrity. Pix on the left below shows Dr Mahathir giving an autograph to a smitten fan. On the right, a Spanish flamenco dance giving Malaysians a taste of Espanyol in the heart of KL. Yes, we are that open and tolerant. In the middle of the strife, we are still capable of enjoying ourselves among Malaysians of other races. Our sense of humour remains very much intact too as demonstrated by our acceptance of all things strange in Malaysia. This includes prosecuting a former Deputy PM for sodomy ie. forcible anal penetration between two men. But this is another story better covered in a political and current affairs blog than this one.

Technorati Tags: Akasha, anwar, Canadian girl-band, celebrity blogger, Chinese New Year drum, Christmas cake, Dr Mahathir, flamenco KL, KL, KL Hilton, Malaysia, male pole dancer, sodomy, Zeta Bar

Many journalists were spotted going in and out of Government House. Many Bangkokians, with children in tow,  came to see the great turning point in Thai history and politics.  Billionaire ousted by military with popular support? Rare but true. At least, that’s the impression I got. Now, I will let the photos talk instead.

Technorati Tags: Bangkok, billionaire get out, coup, Government House, happy coup, roses for soldiers, Thai military, Thaksin, Thaksin ouster, Thaksin t-shirts

Well, thankfully for me, the “re-defining” only started after I left the bar. On my way up to my room in a guesthouse, I was wondering why the staircase was bending and moving as I walked up. The staircases have come alive!!! If that wasn’t enough, when I struggled to bring myself to brush my teeth, the bathroom sink started to do a twisting act like it wasn’t happy that it’s spit at with toothpaste froth from my mouth.

I only remembered I sank into bed into a dreamless and fitful sleep that night. Thank goodness, I didn’t try the extra happy meals or the magic mushrooms etc. Reality would really have been twisted then. Still, it’s a re-defining moment for me. At least I know my limits now.

Technorati Tags: happy meals, Laos, reality redefined, tubing, tubing capital, Vang Vieng

Some interesting shots of Chatuchak - it’s a huge tourist attraction in Bangkok. Buskers are aplenty. Even an Australian doing the digeridoo (I am assuming he is Oz). Probably some backpackers hoping to extend their stay with some side income. The best is the balding guy with a football propped at the side of his head in a stationary position. You pay him to take a shot of him.

Technorati Tags: Bangkok, biggest market in the world, buskers, Chatuchak, chatuchak market

Most people probaby assume that thankas are made in Tibet since Tibet is famous for its thankas. In fact, most thankas are made in Nepal, where it’s cheaper. I have had the privilege of visiting a thanka school in Nepal. The above 2 are bought while there. I no longer have them as I have either given them away or sold them upon my return to Malaysia.

Here are some snapshots of the students at the school. Actually, the last picture was taken at a shop. In many parts of Kathmandu, you can see such shops where the shop owners/workers actually work on the thankas while keeping watch on the shop. The symbolisms on the paintings are lost on me. I admit I have little interest on them, but the minute details the painters go into for each painting is nothing less than spectacular.

Technorati Tags: Kathmandu, nepal, thanka paintings, thanka school, thankas, tibet

The chef boils the ingredients in cow’s milk for about 20 mins  in a big wok.

and hey presto, you get a hot tasty Masala milk - very nutritious, I must say.

RM2.50 for small or RM3.00 big. Worth it.

Technorati Tags: Klang, Little India, masala milk, spice milk, wok